smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
