I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
