Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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