Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Boobs speak an international language.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
