i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
