mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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