See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
