He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it because I queefed?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
