i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
