at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
