omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
