Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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