After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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