Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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