when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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