how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My balls are so social today.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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