she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
