Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We don't watch enough power rangers
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
