Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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