dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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