so explain again why im purple
no
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
