Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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