I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Can Purell be used as lube?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
