decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
