Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
