You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
