Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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