It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
