covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
