he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
