New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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