She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
