She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
