She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
