dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We talked him into tasing himself.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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