I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
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