It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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