I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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