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I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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