Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
