i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
