the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
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