i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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