I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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