hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Man, jail baloney is awful.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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