why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
