my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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