Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
