HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
