can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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