as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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