I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
