He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
