I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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