does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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