I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize