You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
