also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
