I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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