It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
