the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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