i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
