They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
