On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
