Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
