they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
