Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
