Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
