Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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