Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
