That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
