Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
