i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
