Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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