May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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