Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
this is an emotional support booty call
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
